on forgiveness

When your lover betrays you, how do you forgive?

First, there is no forgiveness, only attempts at forgetting, denying, or rationalizing the cruelty and humiliation you've suffered: Let's not speak of it anymore; let's move on. He could never do that; don't say such lies. He's sorry; he's changed; he didn't mean it; he was drunk; he wasn't thinking clearly; he was confused; he still loves you.

The most spiteful consequence of betrayal is not the hurt feelings from the act itself, but the dehumanizing manner in which your free will has been revoked. In an instant, your ability to be an equal participant in your relationship is ended. You are left with a false choice (if any choice at all): to stay or to leave.

If you stay, and you don't wish to forget, deny, or rationalize, what do you do? If you leave, and you don't wish to forget, deny, or rationalize, what do you do?

I believe betrayal is a brand our lovers burn onto our hides. It serves as a constant reminder and acknowledgment of the offensive act. Nevertheless, we should also be reminded and acknowledge that it is an act that has lived and died in the past, like recalling the incurrence of an injury that has long healed. We need not forgive nor need we spread the betrayal like a cancer and infect our potential for happiness in the present.